Funny

10 Demons Most Likely To Show Up At Manhattanhenge

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Manhattanhenge, which was first noticed and named by Neil deGrasse Tyson, is when the sunset aligns perfectly with Manhattan’s city grid. It happens twice a year with a full sun, and twice with a half sun. The sun illuminates both the north and south sides of every cross street in the borough. deGrasse Tyson believes it to be a unique urban phenomenon in the world, and possibly the universe.

And it is beautiful. People are willing to stand in the middle of the street just to grab the perfect Instagram shot.

And, it will happen in Manhattan on Friday, May 29, at 8:12PM. To grab the best view, it’s recommended you go as far east in Manhattan as you can without losing the view of New Jersey. The best cross streets are 14th, 23rd, 34th, 42nd, and 57th.

Of course, that’s only if you want to see what demon will emerge from the earth when the sun finally sets and the hell fire rises. I have been reading out loud numerous leather bound books, some of which may or may not have been made by human flesh, in original Latin just for this moment. When the sun aligns with the city what beast will appear!

Here are the 10 demons most likely to show up.

1. Agares

Agares

Agares would be right at home in New York City. He appears as an old man, but he also is known to teach many languages, mostly profane and racist stuff, like most old white men in the city. Plus, he rides a crocodile, and aren’t those supposed to live in the sewers of New York? He is known to force mortals to dance, so you’ll find him at all the trendiest clubs. Beyond that, he stops runaways, meaning once you enter Manhattan you can not leave, especially during rush hour and the L train is under construction and you live in Brooklyn.

2. Azazel

Azazel

Yes, Azazel, the demon who taught men how to make weapons and how to start war. More importantly, he introduced women to cosmetics, making us super self conscious when we’re not wearing our eyeliner. He’d lurk in Sephoras.

3. Surgat

Surgat

Surgat is the demon that opens locks. Oh, that’s all he can do? It’s literally a nightmare in NYC. Strangers and hobos coming into your apartment, bike locks on the sidewalk but your bike is gone, your locker at the gym wide open, your cell phone missing… Gives me chills.

4. Asag

Asag

Asag is said to be so hideous that his presence alone makes fish boil alive in rivers. So, it seems that he already visited Gowanus Canal in Brooklyn. He causes sickness and had sex with a mountain to have an army of rock babies, and they’re all crying in the movie theater.

5. Aka Manah

Aka Manah

His name roughly translates to “mind made evil,” and he’s known as the demon of evil intention, evil mind, evil purpose, and evil thinking. He prevents people from fulfilling their moral duties, like being a good parent, saving a life, or giving up your seat so an elderly person or pregnant woman can sit down on the bus.

6. Succubus/Incubus

Succubus/Incubus

The succubus (female) and incubus (male) are beautiful demons who will seduce humans. They feed off the sexual energy and eventually their victims fall ill or die. They’d be big fans of Tinder, which is being blamed for the rise of STDs.

7. Ukobach

Ukobach

He is the inventor of fireworks and the art of frying food. Fried food to ruin every New Yorker’s diet.

8. Krampus

Krampus

Why would the evil equivalent of Santa Claus come to New York? Krampus is a demon punishes children who are not good, and will steal them away in Germany. If you don’t know, Santacon wrecks havoc on New York City every year. Thousands of people dress as St. Nick on the second Saturday in December, to do a city-wide bar crawl. It is disastrous. All the Santas are drunk by noon, destroying the city, urinating, littering, and vomiting. Krampus would be right at home.

9. Jikininki

Jikininki

Jikininki are ugly demons who used to be selfish and greedy humans. Now, they’re forced to walk the Earth and eat the flesh of corpses. They have the ability to look like humans when they want to corrupt someone. There’s so many greedy people in New York, like, I don’t know, Wallstreet? I’m not into politics, just demons.

10. Belphegor

Belphegor

Often depicted on a toilet, because the way to summon him is to sacrifice human excrement, Belphegor is bound to show up, there’s human excrement literally everywhere in the city. He is said to give people ideas to create crazy, but plausible, inventions, and as we all know our best ideas happen while sitting on the toilet. Once these people become successful, he uses their greed to his advantage. He’s also Satan’s ambassador to France, so you know he wants to visit the Statue of Liberty, a gift from France.