33 People From Infomercials Who Can’t Do Anything Right
1. This woman who should probably be playing baseball.
If informercials teach us anything, it’s that being a person is really hard! Doing things! SO HARD!
2. This person who has lost all her knives and decided a doorstop would do the trick.
Then again, what else would YOU use in a pinch?
3. This person who thinks food lives in the microwave.
Heating things one after another? Get the f*** out of here.
4. This guy who can’t put down the tray before sitting.
This guy didn’t deserve those snacks or the show he’s about to watch.
5. This guy whose sunglasses have a life of their own along with most sensitive corneas ever.
Wait, is this guy an actual vampire?
6. This woman who can’t shower without dying.
Wait, she’s not even in the shower. It’s not even slippery.
7. This guy who tried to clean his brain with a q-tip.
“Now all my memories are gone!”
8. This woman who will f*ck up all your clothes.
“If only I stopped leaving things in the dryer for a week.”
9. This woman who doesn’t know how arms work.
Maybe peanut butter killed her parents and she’s finally remembering. WE DON’T KNOW.
10. This woman who truly believed her fruit bar would help her in life.
Fruit bars, not even once.
11. This guy who knows how awful measuring tapes are!
How did he manage to build that entire house?
12. This woman who doesn’t even possess the skills of a seven year old.
“What the F*** mom?”
13. These people who can’t control their limbs.
Maybe they just really hate drinks.
14. This kid who doesn’t deserve to eat this food.
Go to your room, Timmy. You’re a disgrace.
15. I don’t even know what the f*ck this guy’s problem is.
Painting is easier when you show the wall it doesn’t hurt, first.
16. This woman who is the most wasteful woman on the planet.
Solution? Stop making enough food for leftovers.
17. This woman who isn’t allowed to fix anything anymore.
“So that’s what that does.”
18. This person who refuses to buy a coffee table.
There’s a whole lotta couch-table space there. A couch-table is any couch with room to put something on it. ANY COUCH.
19. This woman who has never cooked eggs before.
We wouldn’t be surprised if she starved to death.
20. This guy who opens things upside down.
Nobody can take this guy anywhere.
21. This dude who isn’t getting any tonight.
Him: “Now the pants!”
Her: “No thanks.”
22. This woman whose husband totally hates her.
“I can’t wait until this f***ing divorce goes through, Tanya.”
23. This woman who spends all her Friday nights at tupperware parties.
No word on whether or not she survived.
24. This person who doesn’t understand why people wear oven mitts.
If we saw someone doing this, we’d get them the help they need.
25. This woman who just knows that nothing is easy.
First my dog dies, then my kid flunks algebra… now this sh*t?
26. This guy who needs to be sterilized, pronto.
Is that even his baby?
27. This person who just wanted a cola.
Quick, the NSA is here! Destroy nothing! Make things sticky!
28. This woman who has no idea how velcro works.
She’s dry already, not really sure what she’s trying to accomplish. Modesty?
29. This woman who needs glasses.
“I swear to God I’m going to go run over about 50 mailboxes just to blow off some steam.”
30. This hard-working mom who just wanted an easy dinner, but now her whole family hates her.
“We hate you so much, mom. So much it might be theoretically impossible to scientists.”
31. This woman who doesn’t understand how spoons work.
Granted, she comes from a land with no spoons.
32. This kid who shouldn’t be pouring his own milk anyways.
“The next thing I’m gonna spill is the blood of whoever designed this piece of garbage milk contraption.”
33. And this woman who regrets everything.
POOP! POOP WATER!