The 10 Absolute Worst Ways to Breakup with Someone
We’ve all been there…
Who hasn’t experienced an awful breakup? Heck, who hasn’t been the person who performed the awful breakup? There’s no easy way to say, “I don’t like you anymore, and your face actually makes my stomach twist into a knot of rage.” Oof, that’s rough. Is there any decent way to explain why you can’t be with someone anymore?
Probably something like, “We’re just not compatible. I’m sorry if you think differently, but for me, my heart just isn’t in this anymore. I care about you as a person, but we can’t keep seeing each other. There is no chance of us getting back together, because I don’t want to lead you on.”
But who can think of something like that in the moment? We’ve thought about every possible scenario that would be worse than someone just ignoring you for weeks and expecting you to get a clue.
Don’t try these methods.
1. With a group of friends say, “Everyone in a relationship, raise your hand!”
Sadly shake your head, and lower their hand for them.
2. Finally admit that you are actually two children stacked on each other, wearing a trench coat.
Ah, man… will she ever trust again?
3. Homer Simpson wrote a beautiful Dear John letter for someone else to use…
“Dear Baby. Welcome to Dumpsville, population: you. P.S. I am gay.”
4. According to the popular Youtube channel, Game Grumps…
Texting a girl, “You and I are donion rings!”
5. Actually die.
Sure, you could just fake your death, but where’s the dedication in that? What if she sees you updated your Facebook status when you’re supposed to be dead?
6. Beeping loudly.
When they ask why you’re beeping, explain “I’m a dump truck, baby. See ya.”
7. “Hey, look, it’s my ex’s house.”
8. Use a smokebomb.
When the smoke clears, you haven’t disappeared as your significant other would assume. You’re still there, with your new boo.
9. At the altar.
There had to have been plenty of opportunities to dump someone during all that planning.
Say you’re moving to Yemen.